Losing a baby through an ectopic pregnancy is a unique, complex form of bereavement that encompasses the profound grief of losing a child alongside the physical and emotional trauma of a medical emergency. It is a loss that can leave families navigating an invisible heartbreak, where the joy and hope of a positive pregnancy can be instantly shattered by fear, medical interventions, or emergency surgery and left without a physical baby to take home or say goodbye to.
What is an ectopic pregnancy?
An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy that develops outside of the womb, most commonly in the fallopian tubes. Sadly, these pregnancies cannot continue because the fertilised egg cannot develop safely in this location. This is a serious medical condition that often requires urgent medical treatment to protect the mother’s health and can be life threatening if left untreated. The pregnancy must be medically terminated or removed, which means dealing with both a medical emergency and also the devastating loss of a much-wanted pregnancy – even if unexpected, the emotional fallout can still be profound.
Why do I feel so many emotions about my ectopic pregnancy?
For many, this type of pregnancy can bring overwhelming sadness, shock, numbness, guilt, anger or confusion as to why this may have happened. It's not uncommon for these feelings to last several months, although they usually improve with time with the right support. Every person’s experience is unique; therefore, we would encourage you to make sure you give yourself and your partner time to grieve in the way you need and remember your feelings are valid, real and deserving of compassion.
How do I cope with my grief following an ectopic pregnancy?
In the months following an ectopic pregnancy, and there is no specific timetable for grief, it can help to:
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Allow yourself permission to grieve without judgement.
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Rest and give your body time to recover physically.
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Accept help and comfort from the people you trust where possible.
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Be patient with changing emotions which may ebb and flow from day to day.
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Don’t compare your grief journey to others as everyone’s grief is individual.
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Allow yourself to recognise that anniversaries, other people’s due dates and pregnancies may trigger your grief and strong emotions may resurface.
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Contact Child Bereavement UK if you wish to talk about any of the above. You don’t have to feel alone.
And if you are understandably feeling so utterly devastated by your loss, being kind to yourself can just mean making a cup of tea if that’s all you can manage that day, and that’s okay.
Getting bereavement support after an ectopic pregnancy
At Child Bereavement UK we can offer ongoing grief support for ectopic baby loss with one of our bereavement specialists who can listen and offer gentle support in a sensitive nature.
You may need medical advice, and you can go to your local GP for this or perhaps someone supporting from your local hospital if you need.
If you are looking for specific ways to cope right now, would like information on creative ways to remember your baby, talk through the dreams and aspirations you had for your child, guidance on how to talk to other children about the loss or simply a listening ear, please know that you do not have to suffer in silence, and there is no timeline for your healing. If you or someone you care about is struggling after a pregnancy loss, please feel welcome to reach out to us by using the details below:
Speak with a bereavement specialist (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday):
- By phone – call 0800 02 888 40
- By live chat - click the yellow 'chat with us' button
- By text or WhatsApp – 07418 341 800 (you must be 13 or older to receive support via WhatsApp)
- By email – [email protected] or use our contact form
Useful links for ectopic pregnancy advice
Here are also some helpful links with information you may find useful.
If you feel you are having ectopic pregnancy symptoms, we advise you to contact your GP immediately or call 111 for advice, or 999 if an emergency.
